TRACTOR'S TALES.

BOO !!! Sorry to make you jump. I'm back again. No sooner did you get out all those winter togs, bought all those Christmas presents, exchanged all those slightly-too-small Christmas jumpers, eaten your way through too many easter eggs, put away those winter togs, than it's time to start this cricket thing all over again. Footy is just about done, so once again let's help bring cricket to the forefront of the sports pages and the television screens for another 5 months.

George Dubya and Tony B are still in charge of world affairs, I've dined on Jamie's Dinners, Dirty Den died, Delia went demented at Norwich, we've seen a Royal & a soap opera wedding, and there's a new Pope.

Closer to home, Ricky Ponting has not returned this season, instead concentrating on trying to boost morale of a very depressed Australian side before an Ashes series against the mighty Team England. In his place we welcome Sanath Jayasuriya to give us that initial boost until the eagerly anticipated arrival of South African captain Graeme Smith. Of those departed, we will never forget the names of Barry Bowler, retired after 10 years sterling Somerset service, Colin Cox, returned to Tasmania after 6 glorious years in the west country, and Dave Dutch who departed this county after some valuable contributions with both bat and ball during his 4 year stay here. We also said a fond farewell to Nixon McLean at the end of last season, but we say an even fonder 'Wotcher' to the quickish West Indian, back again for this season. I know what you're thinking - Jayasuriya, Smith and McLean: three overseas players when we're only supposed to have two, but Nicko returns under some sort of haircut ruling to do with Kojak. Mike Burns takes over as this year's beneficiary from Keith Parsons.

The County Championship season kicked off at Old Trafford, where rain and bad light intervened (unusual for the time of year in Manchester' ensuring a draw, Blackie hitting a ton, Burns 40 & Caddick 5 wickets in the match. Thwaites Original Hand-Pull bitter ensured the bearings of this Tractor didn't seize up during this somewhat chilly encounter.

Next was a stop-off at Edgbaston for the opening tsl game. Somerset amassed an impressive 254 off their 45 overs with a ton for Burns and fifties for Parsons & Hildreth, a winning total I'm sure but once again the weather intervened and Warwickshire were unable to even start their reply. Banks's smoothy creamy milky overflow bitter saved any dehydration problems this time.

Having survived the arctic North West and the Wetlands, sorry Midlands, the 'northern tour' continued up to the North-East at Headingley where I developed a bit of a nasty cold - I had a runner but was successful in mopping up the tail-enders! Tetley's was the medication this time. Unfortunately Somerset lost in both the 4-day and 1-day matches, but hopefully this means we've got our defeats out of the way early.

Today we welcome our opponents Leicestershire, current Twenty20 champions having defeated Surrey at Edgbaston last August, and our first-round opponents in the C&G trophy next Wednesday. We wish them every success in gaining runners-up spot both today and next Wednesday.

If it's your birthday today, you share it with Joanna Lumley (AbFab Patsy, New Avenger Purdey) and Rita Coolidge (some American female singer). Happy birthday to anyone who might be celebrating today.

It's Sunday, it's 1 o'clock, and ... they're off (unless it's raining)!!

COME ON SOMERSET!!!